Anything you can do, I can do... maybe.

Motherhood is much more difficult than I thought it would be.  It has completely changed how I look at moms around me.  When I watch my favorite trash TV and see a teenage girl go through a pregnancy scare, instead of thinking that's what she gets for sleeping around like I used to, I am now moved to fear for her.  Characteristics that I used to feel confident were strengths are now so obviously weaknesses.  I was so proud of myself last year for developing more patience through my job, and I am now ashamed to say that my level of joy and love for my daughter is somewhat dependent on her sleeping patterns.  Today she is the most adorable thing on the planet and the only true source of happiness in this life--seven and a half hours for round one and after an hour she slept four more.  She is also the cutest when Tristan is home and can take her and burp her while I put myself back together.

My husband has been lovely through everything.  We don't have the fabulous life that I once imagined, with costumes and dance parties and swimming everyday.  We spend almost all of our time together either running errands, exercising, bathing or cleaning.  I have dreams that someday I will do all of those things on my own, so that we can maximize our time together with the costumes etc.  I have dreams that someday Quincey will keep all her food down and will keep sleeping when I put her down, so I can write hilarious blog posts with pictures of how much fun we always have together.  For where we are at, Tristan has been extremely patient and helpful.  He works on less sleep and runs errands without complaining.  I know he does it out of love for our family alone, because before Quincey was born he was very verbal about needing eight hours of sleep and about how much he hates grocery shopping.  Although our life isn't movie material, I am truly happy.  I feel so blessed to have Tristan and Quincey in my life and despite the trashed state of my body I honestly am so excited and anxious to add another needy member to my little family.

My favorite things about Quincey are:

-her hairy back and shoulders (sadly the hair is starting to go away already)
-her funny faces she makes
-her hands--she often either has them fully extended or in little fists
-watching her wake up
-she enjoys kicking around in the water during her daily bath (since she already manages to become unbearably stinky everyday)
-she loves Tristan so much--way more than me
-she sticks out her bottom lip when she's sad
-the animal sounds and little coos she makes
-she loves music and the light that comes through the blinds in the morning
-she looks like Bubs from homestar runner when she wears footy pants





My favorite things about Tristan are:

-how much his sub-conscious adores me--he starfishes me and compliments me in his sleep
-he is so selfless without being a doormat and always puts our family first
-his superior handsomeness
-his sense of humor--getting me to laugh things off when I'm upset
-that he makes me talk through things when I'm sulking
-he truly appreciates every little sacrifice I make
-he has the best stories for all of his scars
-his family has been so good to me and make me feel loved as a sister/aunt/daughter
-he always puts God first and helps me to do the same
-he offers the best support and advice
-he made a nest in our living room for when we watched General Conference